Saturday, January 07, 2006
dear mum,
im writing in to make u understand better wat i hav been feeling and wanting to tell u. i want u to noe how i feel and wat i want in life. i noe u oways want the best for ur children. but u r wrong when it comes to understand wat they wanted. becos this is their lives not urs. u can only support and have faith in them so they will have ur blessings and insyaallah will succeed. im not tellin the whole world wat u have been done or wat u have not done for me. but just pouring out wat u ought to noe all these while.
Im not a person who give up so easily in wat im doing unless i began to realise im in the wrong path to go on. I didnt mean to burst out when i told u my decision the other day. i think i did it too fast that u misunderstood me and began to go ballistic. i hate that,really. i shud have find d ryt time to tell u everything and discuss with ya. but u noe wat? im very stress and not very calm myself. i started to worry abt my future. The whole time im at home, i didnt slack for fun. its becos im stress. i tend to not tok to u abt it. becos im nvr open to u and i realise we can't click. shame but true. im just very sorry.
Now, i'll explain.interior design was never my choice field of study. But i got into the course by luck and effort. im glad its a design course. something i can do and maybe manage. its goin to b 2 years and i began to get far worst than the other students in my class. it is not becos of my attendance. its becos i cannot cope with the pressure. the course is not there in my heart day by day i realised. i began to hate school. but that doesn't mean i didnt try. i try to be part of this course but sooner or later i started to pretend and hate that feeling. i didnt want to give up,mum. i only want to finish and get this bloody diploma. but its not as easy as u seem to see. projects hav nvr been easier. looks like it is just get over and done with. but seriously, u need to have passion and heart in it to complete and pass the course. wats the point for me now,mum? im still gonna fail after dis 2nd yr. 4 more weeks and im still gonna fail. fail means repeat the whole yr again. that means i go to sch for 4 yrs. and that does not mean that i can still make it to 3rd yr nxt yr. not that i dun have any confident in myself. my heart is somewhere else,mum. its just like example- a guy likes u so much and he is rich, u tried to like him many times but ur heart is oways with someone else no matter how long it takes. so its the same here. u can nvr force urself to b in something where ur heart doesn't desire. u hav to let go. nvr cling on becos by that time, u'll regret for hanging on for so long. im not trying to make u accept this fact. but just want u to noe wat i did n not do have nothing to do with my decision of going into art school. im sorry becos i didnt tok to u earlier when i started to feel this way. now,i noe its too late. but i want u to noe, this path im taking is the path that i really wanted to do with all my heart. and i dun want anyone,not even u,to stop me frm goin for wat i want. but im ur daughter,i want u to support me,in any way u can as a mother. believe me. im doing this for my own good. for my future and our future. please let me do this. pls give me a chance to do this. becos in 10 yrs down the road,i dun want to regret that i didnt give myself this chance becos u wanted me to do something else. anyways,im ur daughter,u noe how much i love to design, paint and u noe i love art. i want this chance pls.
i'll wait for u to talk to me and tell me what u think. i hope all these things i've just said make sense to u.
i will explain to u more abt my plans for my future and the art school.
with that- i just want u to noe that i'll oways understand ur situation. =)
dun worry abt me..im not that stupid.
WHO I AM HATES WHO I'VE BEEN - Nadia Rifhan.
stitch rocked @ 6:17 PM
name: Nadia Rifhan AKA Nadya Filan Angel
